FRIENDZONED GUYS; GIVE THEM A CHANCE

By Antony Kiprotich

Don’t you just hate it when that person, whom you clearly love and cherish, makes you an involuntary prisoner at that Siberia of relationships called the friend zone? It is as if all your affection and concern doesn’t count a thing, while that dude who doesn’t give a hoot about her and even hurts her feelings at every turn seems to be getting her love. Her attention. Her favours.

Why is this happening?

Why does this guy end up being friend zoned?

Why don’t ladies just give this guy a chance?

He is the responsible one who always finish their assignments on time. They never miss class and they always dress decently at all times. You will see him waiting patiently at the corridor as his girl talks endlessly with her band of girlfriends. He will act as a sentry to that pretty girl, guarding her drink at the club and of course the missus’ purse while the lady in question twerks and grinds her back to some stranger’s groin on the dance floor. Afterwards, he will carry her drunk useless self out of the club to the safety of his crib after she causes a ruckus with another equally drunk girl who warns her to ‘stay away from her man or else’

The following day, he will clean up after her. The mess she leaves from her puke, whose smell now resembles some decomposing body, will give him answers to why her phone was switched off since lunchtime until their club date that she insisted to. Since he practices the virtues of ‘forgive and forget’ he would let the whole episode slide without a fuss.

This guy would never embarrass himself in public by saying obscenities. He will carefully measure his words and will zip up his mouth until the appropriate time. Neither will he argue with the girl of his dreams. He values peace and stability. And more often, he will remain mum even as the memsahib complains about this or when she flirts with other men in his presence, which he hates but can’t do anything about it.

He will be there when she comes to his room, crying after she was dumped by that jerk of a man who is the captain of the rugby team. In her lowest moment, she would recall the special things that our friend zoned guy did to her and she would feel guilty. In ‘appreciation’ she would allow him to sample her cookie jar and when he thinks that all is well, he gets shocked when a week later, he sees her whatsapp profile picture and status. It’s not about him but some other guy who will later break her heart before the end of semester exams commence.

She will still claim to love him, but her actions will betray her words. To her, our friend zoned guy  will always be that last resort. That fall back plan in case everything goes wrong. All her assignments will be done by him. In  the exam room, she would mark her territory fiercely by warding off that Sylvia who has been eyeing him all along or that drunk fool Cedric, who always calls her choice words whenever they tag him along on their ‘dates’.

When the results are out in the new semester and she is sure that no re sit awaits her, the arrangement ends. The sleepovers will become a distant memory and so will the sex. She will be at her game; chasing the college hunks and the jerks. She will come back for that ‘mourning’ period when she gets heartbroken, or when her body is sore after that rough session with that weed smoking dude, who has  experimented on her those overrated gymnastics he watches from pornhub.

So for all that rant, dear ladies, if you don’t feel this guy, better let him go from the start. Don’t subject him to such de humanizing treatment in the name of Friend zone. Taking shameless advantage of his kindness, generosity and understanding nature while still chasing after that hunk you will never have in ten lifetimes. Give him a chance when there is still time. You never know, one day you will realize that you had a diamond while you were still looking for stones. Give him a chance. I say it again. Give him a chance!!!